


Hindsight

by JaneDoe112255



Series: Let Me In [6]
Category: Marianas Trench
Genre: Abuse, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M, Physical Abuse, Sexual Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-11-09 00:08:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17991137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaneDoe112255/pseuds/JaneDoe112255
Summary: Matt hates Hindsight and here is why





	Hindsight

Matt hated hindsight with a burning passion. He once refused to let Josh use it in one of his songs because he would not be able to handle the word coming out of his baby's mouth every day for mouths.

Matt did not always hate the word. He used to not care about it. It was one word with two syllables. The word is seemingly harmless, and it had a simple meaning- understanding of a situation or event only after it has happened or developed. The word was simple, harmless. At least to most people, but not to Matt.

The word was dangerous. The word was dangerous and should be eradicated off the face of the plant.

One might asked why Matt hated that word so much. There were many reasons, too many to count, but there were five main reasons. Here they are. 

1\. Bruises 

Josh had alway been clumsy. In fact, one of the first times that Matt had seen Josh in high school the older teen had nearly tripped over a chair in the band room. Matt had bit his lip to keep from laughing as Josh looked around the room to see if anyone else had seen him nearly faceplant. When he had been satisfied that no one did, he had turned his attention to Matt, pointed at him, and had said, “you didn’t see anything.”

“Sure I didn’t,” Matt had said deadpan with a smirk. Later that day Josh had invited Matt to his father’s recording studio because he had known that Matt had songs. It had been the start of their friendship. 

Because of the natural clumsiness that was his best friend, Matt was used to seeing bruises on his body. Most of the bruises were small and on either his shines or arms. They were barely noticeable unless you were looking for them.

About a year into Josh’s relationship with Branden, Matt saw that the bruises changed. Yes, Josh would have the tiny bruises that were easily explained away with ‘the wall’s mean’ or ‘the floor wanted a hug.’ Those were fine, but these bruises were big and nasty. Josh once came into the studio looking like he got into a bar fight and cried about it for the rest of the night. There was a huge bruise on his chin and when Josh’s sleeve would ride up Matt swore that he saw a finger shaped bruise. Now that Matt looked back on it, the bruise was probably a hand-shaped bruise. 

Matt and the other guys asked him what happened, Ian joked that he looked like he was mugged. Josh had started crying, and that had scared the shit out of Matt. Josh did not cry for no reason. 

When Matt, Mike, and Ian were able to calm him down, Josh told them that he was mugged by a couple of guys and they stole his wallet and beat him when they realized that he did not have a car. The guys had given him something to drink and eat and forced him to take a nap. 

From that day, the big, nasty bruises did not show up anymore, at least not anywhere that was noticeable. 

They had been on tour right now and Matt had walked into the hotel room that all of the guys were sharing when he could not get a hold of Josh to ask of he wanted to eat. Matt was met with his best friend singing-

“Don't surface, don't surface,  
And I feel so damn worthless”

and a shirtless Josh. Normally, Matt would have turned his back to his best friend if he was getting ready to give the man some privacy, but Matt could not. Not when he saw a huge, yellowish, hand shaped bruise on Josh’s upper arm. Josh had jumped and frantically put on his blue, short sleeve shirt when he noticed Matt staring at him. At the bruise. 

“What happened?” Matt had asked, concern in his tone. 

“N-Nothing,” Josh had lied, crossing his arms. 

“Josh,” Matt said in a serious voice, walking up to his friend and pulling up his sleeve so that he could see the bruise, “you don’t get this,” Matt pointed at the bruise, not touching as it looked painful, “by walking into a wall,” at the point Josh pushed Matt’s hand away and pulled his sleeve down. Josh huddled into himself and crosses his arms. “What happened?” 

“N-Nothing, no-nothing happened,” Josh told him. Matt looked at him, not believing him. Josh was stammering and looked like he was about to start crying. Matt counted to fifty in his head when Josh finally broke and stammered, “I-I Br-Branden,” Josh gulped and Matt felt his stomach drop.

“Branden what, Buddy?” Matt asked in concern.

Josh let out a quick breath of air and sounded like a sizzle, “uhhh- we had a f-fight. A b-bad fight. He- he grabbed me.”

Matt had no idea what to say. He was in shock. What could he say? Josh’s boyfriend grabbed his arm so hard that he had that bad of a bruise. That was not normal. Branden should not do that. Matt felt a surge of protectiveness come over him for the older man. 

“Josh,” Matt whispered, not knowing what else to say. 

“It-it’s nothing, Matty, I swear,” Josh assured, starting to shake in anxiety. 

“Joshy,” Matt said, using the childhood nickname for the older man because Josh did it to him, “this isn’t nothing. Branden shouldn’t grab you like that, Buddy.”

“I know,” Josh told him, starting to become angry looking Matt right in the eyes, “it was an accident, Matt let it go.”

“Josh,” Matt said, not sure what he was going to say.

Josh suddenly got into Matt face and used his height to tower over and intimidate the man, “let it go,” Josh hissed. Josh hit his shoulder into Matt’s as he walked to the door and out of the room. 

Matt knew that something was wrong with Josh, but Matt did not say anything and never brought anything up again. Even though he wanted to. 

2\. Car

Josh did not have a car, which was weird. He had enough money and he had a driver’s license. But no car. Josh had told Matt that he wanted to get a car but he had no time to go to a car dealership. 

One day, Matt got a call from Josh, “hey, Josh, what’s up?” Matt asked, Josh did not call him that often anymore unless it had something to do with music. 

“Uhh- hey, Matt. C-Can you drive me to the car dealership, please?” Josh asked with a pleading tone in his voice.

Did Matt want to spend his day off at a car dealership? No. He did not want to spend a day off at a car dealership. But Josh sounded so desperate and sad. The older man needed a car. 

“Yeah, yeah, sure,” Matt agreed. 

Josh sighed in relief, “thank you, Matty.”

Matt could not help but smile, he liked it when Josh called him Matty, “your welcome, Joshy, I will be over in a few minutes.”

“Thank you, Matty,” Josh repeated and Josh hung up the phone. 

When Matt got to Branden’s house Josh was sitting on the curb, curled in onto himself and shaking his leg and holding his wallet in an ironclad grip. Branden was on were to be found, but Matt had a feeling that he was somewhere, even though it was 12 in the afternoon in the middle of the week and his should be at work. 

Josh jumped up and rushed over to Matt’s car with a relief evident in his face. Josh opened up the car door and slid inside. 

“Hey, Dude,” Matt greeted the man, taking in Josh’s state. The older man looked both nervous and excited, and Matt almost laughed at the older man. He would be the only dude that would be excited about going to a car dealership. 

“Hey, Matt,” Josh smiled, “let’s go.” 

“Seatbelt,” Matt said, and only putting his car in drive when Josh rolled his eyes and put on his seatbelt. 

Josh did not seem to care about the type of car that he got when they got to the car dealership. He even told the dealer not to sell him a car because he did not care what car he got as long as it was within his price range. 

Matt thought that this was weird, Josh should care about the car that he bought. Josh seemed to be so desperate to get a car that he did not care. 

Josh ended up with a bright red 2005 chevrolet cobalt. Josh was extremely happy when he signed the papers and he was practically bouncing. 

“We would never NOT see this,” Matt said, talking about the brightness of of the car. 

Josh giggled, fucking giggled, and it was a sound that Matt had not heard in a while and Matt loved it. “That’s a double negative.” 

Matt rolled his eyes, Josh loved to correct people’s sentence structure, “whatever, Ramsay,” Josh smiled at the younger man and Matt felt a burst of happiness course through him and all of a sudden the Chimerstry homework that Matt was doing before Josh called him did not matter anymore. The younger man suddenly just wanted to hang out with his friend. 

“Wanna get a bite to eat?” Matt asked.

Josh seemed to consider that that for a second before he smiled at Matt, “yeah,” Josh nodded, “I need any excuse to drive this beauty around.”

Matt chuckled and slapped the man’s back, “Noodle House?” 

“Yes,” Josh nodded, getting into his own car and driving off.

The rest of the day Josh and Matt hung out. It was just like when they were in high school, and Matt felt like he was falling more in love with Josh. 

3\. Josh’s smile

Josh’s smile was the best thing in the world, in Matt’s humble opinion. It could light up the whole room if the man would allow it to. Josh’s smile made his eye light up and made the skin around his eyes crinkle in an adorable way. Matt could never get enough of his smile. His genuine smile. 

Matt thinks that it took awhile for him to see a genuine smile light up Josh’s face when they were teenagers. Sure, Josh would smile when he thought that it was appropriate. Those smiles Matt came to loathe when he saw Josh’s real smile. It had been about two mouths into their friendship. They were in his father’s recording studio and Matt was singing one of the songs that he wrote in the booths. When he came out, there it was, Josh was smiling down at the control panel as if he did not want the smile to show. 

“What are you smiling at?” Matt asked even though he could not hold back a smile from appearing on his face. 

Josh smiled a little wider, “that was awesome. You’re a really good singer,” Matt could not stop the blush that overtook his face if he wanted to.

“You’re a good singer too,” Matt muttered under his breath. The older teen was an amazing musician in general. Josh was going places, that Matt was sure of, he could not understand why Josh was wasting his time with Matt. 

Josh looked down and his smile got smaller, but it was still genuine. It was cute and Matt had a fleeting thought about kissing the older teen. Matt shook his head at that thought, Matt should not think about that, the older teen was straight as far as Matt knew and even if he was not he would not want Matt.

“Thanks,” Josh muttered under his breath and Matt might have gotten whiplash with the speed that he looked back in the older teens direction. Josh was usually hard to give compliments to and here he was, taking a compliment from Matt of all people.

Now that they were adults, one of Matt’s favorite pastimes was making the older man smile. That was getting harder and harder to do. Ever since he got into that relationship with Branden. Matt did not like him. Since he first laid eyes on the man Matt got a bad feeling about the man. Now, since Matt saw that bruise on Josh’s arm, he really did not like that man. He hurt Josh. It may have been a one time thing or an accident, and Josh may have been able to forgive him but Matt was not able to forgive that man. That was the reason that he tried to keep Josh away from Branden as much as he could. It was easy enough. Especially when they were on tour right now, aside from the week at home that they were having right now. Matt was able to convince Josh to hang out with him.

“What’s wrong, Josh?” Matt asked, Josh jumped from his place at the piano were he was playing something that he wrote.

Josh made a confused face, “nothing's wrong,” Josh said. 

“You just haven’t been talking,” Matt told him, cocking his head. 

Josh scoffed, “half of the time you what me to shut up,” Josh looked down at his hands in his lap. 

Matt laughed, “that because you normally talk my damn ear off,” Matt smirked, he had not meant anything by the comment but the way that Josh curled up into himself and frowned, as if he was thinking critically about what Matt just said. And didn’t that make Matt feel like a piece of shit. He just made his best friend think that he really wanted him to stop talking. Matt needed to keep in mind that Josh could be sensitive at times and apparently now was one of those times. 

“C’mere Josh,” Matt said, patting the space beside the couch. Josh seemed to hesitate a moment before he listened to Matt and came to sit next to Matt. Josh brought his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. 

Matt now felt like the worst friend ever as he did whenever he managed to upset Josh, “you can’t really think that I want you the shut up, right?” Matt asked.

Josh shrugged, not saying anything. 

“For the record, Joshua,” Matt said, using his full name to show that he was serious, “I don’t want you to shut up. If anything it’s very lonely when you don’t talk or sing or anything like that.” 

Josh smiled a little bit and it was a genuine smile.The first genuine smile that Matt had seen in a long time. 

“And there it is,” Matt smiled back. 

Josh frowned and looked slightly confused, “what?”

“I’ve been trying to get you to smile for a few days now,” Matt said honestly, “and honestly, I’ll be tempted to tickle you if don’t want to smile.”

Josh’s eye widened in slight fear he had a love hate relationship with being tickled and the guys liked to tickle him sometimes because they liked to torture him, “don’t tickle me, please?” 

Matt smirked and tickled Josh’s ribs lightly. Josh let out a quick burst of air, holding back a giggle. The older man pushed Matt’s hand and jumped up, “Don’t,” Matt said with a shake of his head and a small smile playing on his face. Matt stood to and Josh stepped away and ran away from Matt, knowing that the man would tickle him. 

“No, Matty!” Josh shouted, running to the kitchen so that he could hide behind the counter. Josh tried to outsmart Matt by making it look like he was going to run the other way but Matt knew his tatict and Matt was able to tackle him in a hug. Josh squirmed, trying to dislodge himself from Matt’s grip, but Matt was much stronger than Josh and he was able to hold onto Josh and the man began tickling him. 

Josh let out a high pitch squeal and he started giggling like crazy. “M-Matt st-stop,” Josh giggled, “ca-can’t breath.” 

Matt chuckled and tickled acrossed Josh’s stomach and ribs one more time. Josh fell to the ground as soon as Matt let him go. Matt sat down next to the still giggling man. Matt chuckled to. After a few seconds Josh sat up too and rested his head on Matt’s shoulder, that was another thing. Josh had not been initiating touch with the guys or anyone, which was weird. Josh loved touch. 

But now, Josh was smiling and leaning into Matt’s shoulder and that made Matt feel a little bit better. 

4\. Phone calls

Josh had a habit of ignoring his phone when he was working. It was an annoying habit, especially when his boyfriend thought that he needed to call every five minutes. Okay, maybe it was not that bad, but it was still annoying especially when they were trying to recording songs. 

The band had traveled to Los Angeles to record the songs “Perfect” and “Good to You” that Josh was producing for their new album. 

“I think I busted a rib,” Josh said in the recording booth, holding his ribs and walking out of the booth. 

“You busted my eardrums,” Ian said from his place on the couch. 

Josh giggled, walking out of the booth and he looked like he was about to say something sarcastic back to the older man, but when he checked his phone and his pale face lost all of the color it had in it. 

Josh gulped and tensed as he looked at his phone. The man started to shake. 

“Josh?” Matt asked, thinking that Josh may have gotten some bad news in the form of a text. Josh looked at Matt and the younger man saw fear and panic reflecting in the man’s eyes. Matt concerned, but then Josh’s demeanor changed. Josh relaxed and smiled at the younger man. Matt felt his stomach drop. He had seen that look before when he and Josh were in high school.

“What’s wrong, Dude,” Mike asked. 

“N-Nothing, I’m fine, I just missed B-Branden’s call,” Josh rushed out of the room to call Branden back. 

Matt’s blood ran cold. Josh should not react like that to missing Branden’s phone call. 

“Does he always act like that when he misses his boyfriend's calls?” Raine Maida, the person that they were recording with, asked.

“Sometimes?” Ian said, saying the word like a question, even though it was true, Josh did react like that when he missed Branden’s phones calls.

“That’s not normal,” Raine said with a shake of his head. 

And he was right, it was not normal to react in fear from missing a phone call from a loved one. It was not normal. What would make Josh react like that? Why was he so scared?

Matt could not let it go. He could let the bruise and everything else go, but not this. He could not let this go. He needed to talk to Josh about it, though he had no idea how to bring it up. Esspecally when he had no idea what was going on. 

5\. Confrontation

“H-he’s abusing me,” Josh’s barely audible voice stammered and his voice cracked.   
Matt’s world stopped turning. Branden and Josh. Branden was abusing Josh. What did that mean? What was Branden doing to him? He was obviously physically hurting Josh, but what else could be going on? Matt really did not want to know, but he had a feeling that he would learn pretty soon. 

“Wh-What?” Josh’s sister, Sarah asked in disbelief. 

Josh’s reaction was emident, he curled in on himself, crossing his arms over his chest and tears entering his eyes. The man’s breathing picked up, close to panic. Matt tried to comfort by placing his hand on Josh’s shoulder, but Josh flinched away violently and let out a shout of fear. Matt took a step back because Josh must have felt trapped with everyone that was there about to see his mental breakdown.

“Don’t be mad,” Josh begged, “please. I’m sorry.”

Josh’s mother stepped forward and said in a comforting voice, “Josh, Baby, we are not mad at you,” she assured, “you don’t have to be sorry.”

Josh’s breathing picked up and his flinched when mom tried to touch him. Josh took a step back.

“No, no, no, no, no,” Josh muttered as he shook his head, head down, “please don’t- don’t hit.”

“Josh,” his father tried to talk to his son in a firm yet comforting, “calm down. You are with friends and family. No one here will hurt you.”

Josh’s father did not touch him, learning from everyone else’s mistake. Eventually everyone joined in telling Josh that they were not going to hurt him, and that they were not going to let Branden hurt him again. 

God, Matt hated this. They should never have to say this. They should not have to tell Josh that they would not hurt him, Josh should not have to question that. He should not have got hurt to make him question that. 

God, how could they not know? How could they have ignored all of the signs? The bruises, evidence of control, behavior changes, fear. How could Matt not see it? How? How could he let his best friend get abused? Why did he not notice? 

At the end of the day, Matt hated hindsight. Because if Matt could see the future or if Matt could have seen all of the signs, His best friend and now boyfriend would have never gotten abused. 

Matt could have told Josh of his feelings in high school. He could have not let Josh go back to Brandon after he saw the bruise. 

Matt hates hindsight, but little did he know. He was about to hate it alot more.


End file.
